The Sandlot

So apparently lastnight something incredible happened. Something that manages to be hilarious, sad and amazing all at the same time. Seems that Moose and a few people were over at the Cakes residence drinking like usual. The story picks up around 330, shortly after M Cakes got home from a night in Canada. I'll let him tell you the story. (If you're too dumb to figure it out, phattmatt is Matt Parr)

PhatMatt9698: so jon first gets a call from josh around 4 o clock....he had to have left about 20 minutes before that...he said he was on brown road and that his car wouldnt start...so myself being the most sober i went to go help him at his request
PhatMatt9698: so i leave a few minutes later to go help him....i search all of brown road and charlotville and cannot find him..i call moof like 6 times but he doesnt answer
PhatMatt9698: so i figure hes pulling a prank on me
PhatMatt9698: but then at 6 the home phone rings and i answer it...its moose and hes like flakes i dunno where i am but im on ransomville road
PhatMatt9698: so i laugh at that and think hes joking...after he confirms that he is truly lost i help him get back on 18 and get to wilson
PhatMatt9698: at this point is 6 45 and hes like oh shit im on empty
PhatMatt9698: he eventually runs out of gas right by pheiffer foods
PhatMatt9698: so i had to go take a can of gas to him
PhatMatt9698: so i asked him why he wasnt on brown road...and he was like oh shit i think i got pulled over by the cops
PhatMatt9698: he wasnt positive that he did but he was pretty sure
CAM62783: jake said that he was in lewiston before he was in wilson
PhatMatt9698: yea
PhatMatt9698: he went from like ransomville to lewiston to almost youngstown
PhatMatt9698: he left our house at 3 40 and drove until 6
PhatMatt9698: and all this just trying to go home
CAM62783: any idea how much hed had to drink
PhatMatt9698: i think between him jon and that stephanie girl...the cashier at SF...they finished 23 beers
PhatMatt9698: and jon said he had like 4 or 5
PhatMatt9698: so im assuming at least 12
PhatMatt9698: 16 at most
CAM62783: *shakes head*

I think when something like this happens a guy should know he really needs to stop drinking. Something tells me that won't be the case with moose.

So its nearing the years end. Top 10 lists are all the rage this time of year. Being as my memory sucks and I'm not gonna do any extensive amounts of research to see what shit came out this year I'm gonna free-style my own lists.

Top 10 songs(right now):
10. Big Sugar- Hammer In My Hand
9. System Of A Down- Hypnotize
8. The Trews- So She's Leaving
7. Sam Roberts- Hard Road
6. Lowest Of The Low- Darkhorse
5. The Weakerthans- Aside
4. Radiohead- Climbing Up The Walls
3. Snow Patrol- Run
2. JEW- Disintegration
1. MGB- Advertising On Police Cars

Top 10 Movies:
10. Kingdom Of Heaven
9. The Exorcist: The Beginning
8. Big Lebowski
7. Sin City
6. Baseketball
5. Heartbreak Ridge
4. Batman Begins
3. Wedding Crashers
2. Van Wilder
1. Rudy

Top 10 Albums:
10. Sum 41- Chuck
9. Lowest of The Low- Sordid Fiction
8. Limblifter- I/O
7. JEW- Bleed American
6. David Usher- Morning Orbit
5. Thornley- Come Again
4. Sam Roberts- We Were Born In A Flame
3. The Trews- House Of Ill Fame
2. Radiohead- OK Computer
1. MGB- Audio of Being

Top 10 Dishes:
10. Meatloaf
9. Spag and Ball
8. Strip Steak
7. Chicken Ceasar
6. Salmon
5. Ravioli
4. Finger-Fry Combo
3. Chicken Parm
2. Burger
1. Prime Rib

Top 10 Actors:
10. Matt Damon
9. Clive Owen
8. Hugh Jackman
7. Vince Vaughn
6. Eric Bana
5. Pierce Brosnan
4. Brad Pitt
3. Tom Cruise
2. Ryan Reynolds
1. Jason Lee

Top 10 Hotties:
10. Jen Connelly
9. Michelle Branch
8. Kate Beckinsdale
7. Eliza Dushku
6. Elisha Cuthbert
5. Selma Hayek
4. Eva Longoria
3. Carmen Electra
2. Heidi Klum
1. Jessica Alba

So last night there was a party at spae's. Everyone ( except dan) was dressed up in their sunday best. A good time was had by all... And then the riot. I'm short on time so there will be no write up review. Instead I will direct you all to the photos I took lastnight, as they tell the story better than i could possibly hope too.

Winter Formal Pics


And lastly. Have a great holiday everyone. After tonight i might be able to do so myself.

I'm upset. Johnny Damon, one of the few baseball players these days that you could say is one of my favorites, has done the unthinkable. The man who for the past 5 years or so has led the Red Sox against the team I hate the most out of any team in any sports league, the Yankees. The man who bears a striking resemblance to former Moist lead singer David Usher, has betrayed everything that is holy...

He signed a 4 year contract with the Yankees. HOW!!!!!??????????!!!!!!!! You played for the sox. They hate the yankees. You dont go sign with them. This seriously kills everything MLB related for me now.

Oh and in closing. Roogs is no longer going to be a daddy. Seems it was a sham all along. Women wonder why men have such negative attitudes towards them. Those will form when you hear stories about a girl faking a pregnancy for 3 months as either revenge or a desperate get-back-together-ploy. Bitches.

For the average joe, the typically day runs from 8am-1am, plus or minus 2 hours. Not this guy. I live most of my day in that time between 2am-6am that most people never know even exists. Say what you will but i find there is nothing worth being awake for that happens before noon. Apparently this sort of behavior may be slightly linked to genetics (apparently my late grandmother was a total night person as well). I also blame my occupation for that. When you work 3pm-10pm, plus or minus 2 hours, you have to shift everything later.

Look to my blog posts for the conformation. I think the average time of day i make a post is around 230am.

Any rate, i heard a song at slicks saturday, came home and dl's 3 cds worth of material on said band to see whats what. They're called Snow Patrol. Pretty good thus far. I can see a bunch of tunes making it into my regular rotation.

Good news on the movie front. Jake and Pete have signed on to the project and Ive potentially located 2 more cameras for 3 total. Once new years passes we will get to work scheming and writing and such. Should be great. I'd love to start now but theres no way in hell i have any time for such activities given work.

The one thing i hate about my job, aside from bitchy waitresses, shit pay and the inability to ever call in sick, is the holiday season. From december 1 to jan 10th or so is just absolute hell that most people can never begin to comprehend. I almost lost it saturday during a horrendous 15 minute stretch that featured 2 phantom tables, 4 desserts, 11 lobster tails, 35 salads and a shouting episode with my dad.

So if i seem at all annoyed or short tempered these next few weeks, just let it go cuz I'm just misplacing my rage on the closest object.


Oh and one more thing. Mel, that was gross.

More and more I keep seeing in people's profiles those lame ass copy and paste (insert random symbol) if you: are cool, need cowbell, injured partying etc.

Lets look at some examples shall we...

Copy and paste this into your profile if you're kind of a big deal..
Copy and paste this into your profile if you've ever been injured partying...
Copy and paste this into your profile if you like slapping big booties
Copy and paste this into your profile if you've been attacked by a pirate
Copy and paste this into your profile if you know someone who should get hit by a bus
Copy and paste this into your profile if you have a fever and the only perscription is more cowbell.

So so very lame. I'm gonna come up with my own to put in my profile.

Copy and paste this into your profile if you're an unoriginal douchebag.

It pops on so many levels doesn't it?



Anyways. I'm looking for 2 completely unrelated things now.

1. Anyone want to go see Lowest of the Low with me on December 30th. Tickets are $25. Show is at Infinity doors at 7. I will get the night off or die trying.

2. Video Camera. If you have one and would be willing to either let me borrow it come summer time or make yourself available to film stuff for me then IM me in a fashionable amount of time. Refer to previous post as to what will be filmed.

Recent dvd purchases: Dukes of Hazzard, Stealth, Fantastic 4.

Dukes- It was ok. Nothing spectacular. A few funny moments. 5/10
Stealth- Much better than what the critics said. Lots of action and shit blowing up. 7/10
Fantastic 4- I saw it in theatres. Standard comic book movie, good acting and effects. 6/10

Music: Will Hoge, The Weakerthans.

Will Hoge was supposed to open for the trews last week (show was cancelled) so i went out and got 2 cds after hearing a few live tracks on their web site. Kind of an American version of Sam Roberts. Sorta of country/bluesy rock with solid song writing.

The Weakerthans are quickly becomming one of my favorite bands. They have 3 cds (all in my shared folder). The singer sounds kind of like old-school treble charger but the song writing is much more complex and the music is widely varied from rock to folk to indie. Each time i listen I like them more.

Next Project

I've begun preliminary work on a film project. It has no title yet nor a script. I hope to produce a working script by early spring and begin filming in May sometime. I have a basic plot summary worked out and a partial cast lined up. I'm gonna need at least 3 female parts. So if you're interested let me know. Over break I'm going to get together with Jake and Pete and fine tune things and begin writing.

Using our last project as a learning experience, this film will be decidely less complicated and most likely a bit shorter. In doing so I hope to capture what were the best parts of Hate Crimes. Those being the spontaneous humor and the top notch acting. At the same time I can cut out the bad things. Those being poor acting, drawn out scenes and terrible action sequences. Also, much more time will be spent in post-production and I'm gonna try to be more hands on with the editing and such. I might also be looking into getting a technical crew for lighting and possibly a second camera and boom microphone.

So lastnight we went up to Slicks. I got fucking hammered. We're talking down and dirty wasted like i havent been in ages. Between getting pringles cans thrown at me, darts in my drinks, headbutting everything in sight and having santos, ray and toby beat me up several times I'd say it was a successful night. The real fun happened on the ride home though.

Bandit drove me and santos. On the way home santos started fucking with me. He was sitting shottie and i was in the back. He was poking me with the snow brush, hitting me with a bottle of windshield washer fluid and more stuff. I eventually had enough and tried to escape by jumping over the seat into the back of bandits truck. Tos climbs in the back and gives me the push assist. Mind you in the back of the truck is like 8 cases of bottled water, a nail gun, some hunting gear and god knows what else.

So im eating sun flower seeds, and throwing them at Tos, whos still trying to assault me. I swing my leg up over the seat, BAM. Kick tos in the face. he doesnt get it and i nailed him a couple more times before he left me alone. (he now has a black eye) Then in my drunken haze i spot a box of girl scout cookies. Unfortunatly its those carmel nut-butter kind. I toss the box at tos in disgust only to reveal the red box, which as we all know are the glorious peanut butter patties. I crack that bitch open, intent on devouring everylast one of them. Then i get thirsty so i reach between my legs and crack open one of the cases of water. Tos, thinking this to be a good time to strike attacked and made it so the water splashed all over me. Then i splashed him.

Made it home by 430am, soaking wet, sauced but fulfilled, where i promptly assed out.

After a hellish week featuring 6 exams and countless hours of study its over. I'm done with class till January 17th. Life is fucking sweet right now. I'm now willing and able to do anything at anytime, barring work conflicts. Let the games begin.

I experienced one of those, how do you call them, Tantric/serene moments on my drive in today. If you were out at all this morning you know it was dark and cloudy with the occasional snow flurry. I was turning left onto the Audubon from Dodge road. My mp3 player cues up Filter's- Take a Picture. If you've ever heard the song you know how its kind of one of those happy peaceful joints. Anyways I round the curve and all of a sudden the orange sun bursts through the clouds just as the song hits the high part. It immediately put me in this great mood.

Took my 2 exams, pretty easy. Sold my books back. Got $170 of the $400 I originally dished out. Next semester I'll be damned if I buy a textbook.

Anyways, party at Spae's December 23rd. Must dress in your Sunday best to gain admittance.

So today I decided to go to PR class even though its a completely pointless exercise at this point. Me n Jeff decide to sit way in the back just so we have the option of sneaking out the door if we find we cant handle the suck anymore. Bingham, my professor, comes in and first thing he says is that he has our projects graded and he's gonna hand them back. If I never mentioned it or you forgot, I had this big group project worth like 35% or so of my grade that was due a couple weeks ago and that the group I was in was the absolute worst group ever. But I digress.

He goes on to say that of the 20 projects, there were 5 A's and 10 B's. So I'm thinking, ok 75% chance we got a B or better. So he's calling out all the group names and the few people who still come to class are going down to the front to pick them up. Then Jeff says to me, "That guy in the Bills sweatshirt is pissed." I look down front to the right and there's this bigger dude in a blue bills hoodie kind of half in the isle, half in a row; I'm guessing looking over his project with his other group members. I don't really know what's happening, he doesn't seem pissed to me. Then Bingham says in a serious voice and facial expression something to the effect of "you're in college, stop acting like a 5th grader, go back to your seat." So the kid goes back up near the back to his seat and a silence comes over the lecture hall. People really don't know what's happening. So Bingham goes back to handing back the remaining projects, (We got a B- by the way). When he's done he walks up the isle to where Bills guy is sitting.

Bingham: What's your name?
Kid: (says something I can't hear)
Bingham: You can leave my class now, you don't need to be here.
Kid: Whatever this is bullshit. You're like the worst instructor ever. You're lectures are pointless shit and you act like a little kid. Then he leaves.

Now, me n Jeff are in the back corner just trying our damnedest to suppress the laughter that's broiling inside us. I mean this kid told Bingham to his face what we've all been thinking all semester. The fact that after the altercation, Bingham looked and sounded like he was on the verge of shedding some tears didn't help us contain our giggles. I mean, he looked like his best friend had just died.



The other Baff happened lastnight at JP's playin poker. It was me, ruggles, jake, shawn, jp and candy man. Second game, everyone is still in.

Preamble: Ruggles goes all in on a hand. Jake makes the call. Candyman called then dumpes another 5k down tying to made jake fold. Jake folds with 5-10. Flop comes up 5-5-10. Jake falls on the ground screaming in anguish and spitting hate at candyman because he flopped a full house and would have won the hand easily, busting both those guys.

Set up: Candyman goes all in with shit, jake calls with queen jack. jake nails a full house to knock candyman out who had gone all in. Jakes line, "take that you son of a bitch bastard."

The Baff: Candyman and shawn are out. (I took shawn out with two pair) Jp goes all in pre-flop to the tune of 5700. Rugger folds, Jake calls. I call, and taking a page from candyman, toss out a bet of my own to try n knock jake out. I go all in with pocket jacks. Jake calls. 3 of us all in. Jake flips Ace-king, JP has king-queen. I end up winning the hand with my pair, and bust both jake and JP, leaving just me and Ruggles left, me with the chip lead. I won the game a few hands later.

All in all a hilarious and successful evening.

Great feelings, smells, tastes, etc.

Freshly cut grass in the summer

Fresh out of the dryer pants

That first cold beer

Fresh blacktop (yea I'm strange)

Steak searing on a grill

A nice long piss

Crushing that perfect drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway

Back rubs

The perfect tackle (ie, me killing chicago*)

A good ball toungin




*He jumped for a pass in front of me. his back was facing me. I hit him running at full speed, planting my shoulder into his kidney, wrapped up and drove him to the ground.