The Sandlot

Whats up kiddies. Yeah, little dry spell here. Part lazy, part nothing to write about.

Darrell's Subs is finally off the schnide after dropping the first 2 games of the season. My victory in the fantasy league is a done deal this week as my team finally did what i drafted them to do: score fucking points.

Keeping on the theme of football, the Bills once again showed just how bad they can be. Just when i thought things weren't gonna be half bad.

This weeks tough guy award goes to QB Chris Simms of the Tampa Bay Bucs. Guy played part of the game after rupturing his spleen. Even lead his team on a go-ahead scoring drive late in the 4th quarter. Had surgery immediatly after the game, prolly be out 4-6 weeks they say.

Next allow me to quote the "Sports Guy," Bill Simmons (who writes columns for espn):
This about running QB's. I really couldnt have written this any better myself.

That rattled the crowd. Finally, Rob from Manhattan Beach stood up and
said, "I don't understand ... this guy was the best fantasy QB alive two years
ago. He made the Pro Bowl in 2003 and 2004 and threw for a combined 8,200 yards, 64 TDs and just 22 interceptions, plus he ran for more than 800 yards and six TDs. And he's not even 30 yet. How can somebody just lose it like that unless
drugs were involved, or a crippling car accident or something? It doesn't seem
possible."

I was prepared for this question.

My response: Running QBs are like professional wrestlers and porn stars. In other words, it's such a taxing profession on so many levels, and you end up taking such a pounding, there's only a five- or six-year shelf life before things turn sour. Think about it. The same variable that made guys like Randall Cunningham, Steve Young, Kordell Stewart, Jeff Garcia, Aaron Brooks, Steve McNair and Culpepper successful was the one that killed their longevity: Namely, defenses always had to pay attention to their scrambling (which opened up more passing options downfield), but by scrambling 6-7 times per game to keep defenses honest, they subjected themselves to more punishment than the average QB. As they neared their 30s and their bodies started to break down, they realized they couldn't scramble as much anymore, and so did their coaching staffs, which led to two major problems: First, defenses realized it as well (removing their advantage downfield), and second, they were trying to become something they weren't (efficient passers who remained in the pocket). Taking away that scrambling threat was almost like removing Pedro Martinez's slider AND his changeup in 2001, then expecting him to adjust and win 20 games every season.

Look at those aforementioned QBs again. Cunningham had four good seasons, peaked as a runner in '91 (118 carries, 942 yards, 11 TDs), blew out his knee the following season and was never the same. Kordell started for five up-and-down seasons, peaked as a runner in 2002 (96 carries, 537 yards, five TDs), and within four years, he was out of football. Garcia made three straight Pro Bowls, averaging 72 carries and four TDs during those seasons, and now he's a backup in Philly. Brooks carried the ball 80 times in his first full season (2001), remained a running "threat" for the next 2-3 seasons (even though the stats didn't reflect it), tried to become more of a pocket QB, and now he's on his way out of the league. McNair had a longer run of seven seasons in Tennessee, peaking as a runner in '97 (101 carries, 674 yards, 8 TDs) before his body broke down in 2003 (now he's starting for Baltimore and looks terrible). Culpepper had a five-season run, peaked as a runner in 2002 (105 carries, 609 yards, 10 TD's), and within three seasons, he was a complete mess. Only Young excelled for a prolonged stretch: Seven straight Pro Bowl seasons before concussions did him in. (By the way, notice how these running QBs keep getting hurt?)

As Young's career evolved, he picked his spots with scrambling and became more of a pocket QB, something Donovan McNabb is mastering now and Michael Vick can't seem to grasp at all; he's even going the other way and running MORE. The thing is, you can't keep scrambling in the 21st century, not with 350-pound behemoths flying around and smelling blood every time a QB leaves his pocket. Mark Brunell (80 carries in his second full season) realized this almost immediately, that's one of the reasons he's still playing. McNabb realized it, too. Vick is still in denial. And Culpepper realized it too late.

Two seperate items, brief but spectacular. Spectacular not so much in a good way but a shake your head holy s way.

Babies and I were up at best buy this past tuesday. If you didnt know, the original star wars dvd's were released. Not the special edition, re-mastered ones but the OG old school. So as we're pulling into the parking lot I see a guy. Kinda looks like this:


Yea, for real. Oh it only gets better folks. Once inside I see a guy dressed like Han Solo and another dude in x-wing pilot gear. The kicker; each of these dudes are at least 40. Now i know star wars is a cultural phenomenom and all that jazz. But come on. You're 40+. Do you really need to dress up like a movie character... to go buy a DVD???? Jesus titty fucking.




















Item number 2. Our favorite ex-middle school principal is back at it again. Some of you who read this may not know and others may have forgotte (though i doubt it) but about a year ago our former middle school principal got arrested in a park in tonowanda for exposing himself to an under cover cop and trying to get some secks. Well i just heard that he got busted again. This time for a "lude act" on the NYS thruway. Just goes to show you, you can never be too careful and that we live in a pretty fucked up age.

Oh yea, since i'm a nerd, i'm writing a story for some contest so i can win a book. Once i finish and submit said story I'm thinking about posting it. Like i said, i'm a nerd.

I find myself sitting in church. I glance around; there's no mass going on. Closer inspection shows me that its a wedding rehearsal. I become aware I'm sitting in a pew and there's a person next to me, no idea who it is. 2 pews up is the chariot master and his mom (chariot master=matt stein). Somewhere up ahead to my left is teddy and santos and they're laughing at me and pointing up to my right. It is then I realize I'm sitting in this church next to some guy and I have no pants on, just boxers. I glance up to my right and see some little kid running around with my pants and I mention to dude next to me, "that's where those went." He then looks at me as if he's also just realizing I have no pants on. Eventually I get my pants back and put them on. As I'm doing so, Gina is walking up the isle in my direction. She gives me a hug and we have some conversation. I then realize that she's the bride to be. The weird part is she's already married to Justin, but she's getting married again while still married... to me.

She's all happy how she's gonna have two husbands and such and I'm having second thoughts, just looking for a way out. I think I end up no-showing at the ceremony then I woke up.

First dream I've had like this. One the rare occasions I can vividly remeber my dreams they either involve some sort of sex and/or killing. But this one as you can see, unfortunatly had niether and just kinda wierded me out.

You wanna know what what really grinds my gears...

Women. Specifially, hot women. And more specifically, hot women who have a trait, habit or history that just totally makes them untouchable. Not untouchable in the sense that you aren't good enough for them, but untouchable as in total turn-off.

For instance. Nothing is worse than living in a small town (aka the fane) and you know a hot girl that you'd love to be all up on. But, at the same time you know for a fact she's fucked at least 5 people you know, in all likelyhood more, and that you'd probably catch something just seeing her nude due to the sketchy dudes shes takin loads from. Its horrible. Compound the fact she's actually a cool, grounded, fun to be around person. Its like god is just toying with you. On one hand, a sad, healthy life of solitude; the other, a hot ladyfriend with lots of kink but a likely VD and the knowledge of how half the town's dicks taste.

I'm not really reffering to anyone specific here, the above can be applied to many girls, in this town and others. Its just something I've been meaning to put down in words. Whats a fella to do? I could just have no morals/standards and be a complete scum and tread where everyone else has. Afterall, isnt short term gratification all the latest rage? But I can't. I would lose the very escense of myself if I became like those other guys. The difference that I've endeavoured to create over the last decade-ish would be gone in a heartbeat.

What else about a girl grinds my gears... Hot girls smoking, no bigger immediate turn off... instantly becomes non-date material worthy of maybe only a drunken bj in a parking lot.

And how could I forget. The attractive girl who has great taste but then get 2 beers in her and she turns into a complete fucking loon. (And i think we all know who i'm reffering too here). This girl will just ramble on and say the dumbest most absurd shit, digging that hole deeper and deeper while remaining completely oblivious that she's being and annoying cunt-wad.

Then theres everyone's favorite, the "woe is me girl." Hot, charming, outgoing, fun, impeccable morals, this girl is the perfect female specimen. They're also the most frustrating with their constant self-pity parties. Claiming to you that they can never meet a good guy etc etc. 90% of the time, the guy they're whining to is the guy they're looking for and everyone sees it but them. Durrrrrr!

Every guy out there has come into contact with the every version of a girl listed above and speaking personally, its hell trying to sort it all out. Which leads me to my final point, this one directed at the ladies. Most normal guys have certain things they're looking for in a woman, we'll call them filters. It often takes a little time for us to make sure you check out in our specific categories. So please, don't be so quick to lump a guy into the "friend zone" because he's taking a little time(maybe more time than you're liking) to see if you're gonna be worth any effort on his part. I know that I have on numerous occasions just jumped right into things with a girl only to find out a day, weeks or even months later that she was a lying whore or a toal bitch-bag.

Honestly its not worth the hassel and drama when you can spend a little time before hand to find out such info. I liken it to the special forces. They don't just hop into a enemy territroy blind, guns blazing hoping for the best. No, they gather intel, they plan, they leave nothing to chance so that they succeed in their mission 100%.

Work with us ladies, it'll be a better, happier and sweatier future for all of us.

"The best CD ever made"- Dennis "theodore" Maines.
"Oh that CD kicks so much ass"- Some random dude.
"Its not just a collection of songs, its a collection of feeling"- Me

What CD is it that drew such rave reviews you might be asking? Well let me tell you. It was the Teddy Mega Mix; a mix CD that I created back around 2002. Me n the fellas had this big outing to Canada planned, this back when we actually hung out with hot single girls. It was decided that for the ride, we needed a bad-ass CD to get everyone in the mood. Being that at the time I had all the good tunes and my own computer, I was commissioned to create said CD.

First, some history. The original Teddy Mega Mix contained 19 tracks, borrowing heavily from upbeat rock and punk influences then settled down nicely toward the end with slower epic jams. Track listing as follows:

1. Sum 41- Nothing on my back
2. Blink 182- Going Away to College
3. Incubus- Circles
4. Jimmy eat World- Bleed American
5. Simple Plan- I'd do anything
6. Sum 41- Handle This
7. Matthew Good Band- Under the Influence
8. Jimmy Eat World- A praise chorus
9. Matthew Good Band- The future is x-rated
10. Sum 41- Summer
11. Weezer- Holiday
12. Matthew Good Band- Look happy, its the end of the world
13. Blink 182- Dammit (live)
14. Matthew Good Band- Strange Days
15. Box Car Racer- Cat Like Thief
16. Matthew Good Band- Fated
17. Blink 182- What went wrong
18. Box Car Racer- There is
19. Matthew Good Band- Running for home

Looking back I notice some flaws: too many songs from the same artist and even a sketchy song or two. But at the time that mix was as solid as any mix before or since. In wake of its popularity there was acually two more volumes issued. "Volume 2" was an unofficial mix created by teddy. I felt it only right to let the man whom the original cd was named after have a crack at making his own mix. It met with less than good reviews so I was rushed into putting out a third official mix which was dubbed "Volume 3,"(which is technically only Volume 2 officially). Both of those failed to match the popularity and success of the original and as a result the franchise was shelved... Until now.

With Teddy having a birthday a couple weeks ago and measuring the extent to which our friendship has grown over this summer I thought it might be nice to dust off the good name of the Teddy Mega Mix collection. Bear agreed. To this end I have labored for the past several weeks in creating a mix cd worthy enough of its original predecessor.

Vision: When creating a mix cd there is a constant struggle to balance new material with old favorites, while keeping a uniform vibe over the course of the disc. My patented formula for mix cds is as follows: start the disc off strong and fast and rock out, then slow it way down for the last 4 songs or so (usually drunk car ride home time).

So, in keeping with my ideals for mix cd(and with a song suggestion from bear) , the official Teddy Mega Mix volume 3 has been deemed ready for public consumption. It contains songs and artists you will recognize and some you probably will not. It does however, flow together flawlessly and should last for quite some time. I added a new wrinkle to my usual mix, a single bonus track after the slow finale just for kicks. Track listing as follows:

1. The Minatures- Any Day Now
2. The Trews- Ana & Mia
3. Sloan- She Says What She Means
4. Pilate- Into Your Hideout
5. Big Wreck- That Song
6. 54-40- Baby Ran (live)
7. Lustra- Scotty Doesn't Know
8. Fall Out Boy- Dance, Dance
9. Sloan- Iggy and Angus
10. Jane's Addiction- Superhero
11. Pilate- Ambulance
12. Sam Roberts- On The Run
13. Hurst- Tin Cup
14. Thornley- Found Another Way
15. The Trews- Not Ready To Go
16. Angels and Airwaves- Start The Machine
17. Matthew Good Band- Born To Kill
18. The Trews- I Can't Say
19. The Decemberists- Sons and Daughters
20. Pilate- Into The West
21. The Beatles- Love Me Do**(Bonus Track)

This mix is available for download in my shared folder, it'll be right there when you access my folder. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed making it. I tried to mix it up as best possible but in the end, i had to use more than one track from a few bands, namely sloan, the trews and pilate just because they're so good and they get a lot of play in my normal rotation.