The Sandlot

These days more than ever, the sight of piercings and tattoos are increasingly common. I personally have neither a piercing or a tattoo so I cannot begin to comprehend the decision making process that people go through when they decide, hey, I want to permanently/temporarily disfigure myself. I can however, ridicule and make snide remarks about it (and occasionally appreciate them.)


Piercings: I've always maintained that only females should get anything pierced and even having said that, nothing excessive is necessary. Most/all girls come with two standard piercings, the belly button and ears. More than 1, possibly 2 ear piercings is overkill in my opinion and can look all sorts of shitty. Even worse are those piercings that create a hole big enough to put your foot through. Sometimes, a nose piercing can look decent on a girl, but only if she's really hot and its one of those tiny ones that go into the side of the nose. No bull rings please. The tongue ring, while I've not had any experience with, I've heard is rather enjoyable, the same for the vagine. But having one or both of those suggests you might be a fan of the D-train in a greater capacity than a man such as myself might like. The lip piercing I find to be absurd and I'd imagine a hassle when attempting to french. The eye brow piercing is kinda the same but less absurd and more useless. Its more a cry for attention than anything.

Tattoos: Tats are the big rage these days. I gotta say though, in all my years, I may have seen like, 1 or 2 cool tattoos. Tattoos can pretty much be located anywhere but there's certain places that are more common than others. Guys like the arm band or shoulder tat. I don't really have a problem with the location, but they're usually something lame or the same redundant barb-wire joints, which kinda defeats the purpose of trying to be unique and get a tat when they all turn out to be nearly the same. Those are really the only places a guy should have a tattoo. If you got one on your side or back, upper or lower, man I dunno, questionable. (For example, I "know" a guy who has a "tramp stamp" tattoo. What the hell was he thinking?) Also, small to medium sized is best, the more inconspicuous the better.


With girls, its a bit different as their tats tend to be more "cute", with flowers and stars n what not. A favorite spot is on the front of the hips right above the vag. Also the shoulder blade is another one. Those don't bother me that much so long as they're not huge or lame. No no places though would include the feet, and anything sizable on the back or side or anything on the arm really. The tramp stamp, well, that one depends on the girl I guess and the size of the stamp.

That's all I got. 99% of tats are dumb and excessive piercing in unnecessary and unwarranted.

Sometimes, I really wonder if people are damaged in the head. Take my hockey game Sunday night for example.

I had arrived a bit earlier than usual and was watching the game before our scheduled game with some of my teammates. One of the teams playing happened to be a team who always try to start fights and are generally a dirty team. At some point said team took a penalty for slashing or tripping or some blatantly obvious action. Of course, several of the players on that team started bitching and complaining to the refs. During all this Casey, a guy on my team, made some offhand comment how those guys who were bitching were being a bunch of douche-bags. One of the guys overheard that and began threatening to beat Casey up and tried starting shit. He even came back out on the floor after their game while we were warming up demanding that Casey fight him.

Now bear in mind several players on this team may or may not have served jail time and they're all pretty much your typical thug-life-gangster-wanna-be pieces of shit. But seriously. If a guy like Casey calls you a douche-bag, you definitely deserved it. But how messed up do you have to be to try and fight a guy in a crowded public place in front of everyone?

Which brings me to tonight's events. Earlier in the day, Cakes informed me that Bandit had called him saying he was gonna come play cards tonight. I was skeptical since he'd said the same thing a couple weeks ago and never showed up. So Eddie and I were here at my house playing some halo, passing time until we went over to cakes. Suddenly I hear my front door open and can faintly make out my name being called. Since we got the xbox and surround sound going I cant really hear so I'm like who's here or something and I hear "I'll give you one guess jackass."

Low and behold bandit walks into my room. He says hi and sits down, makes some comment about my big TV then tries to start up some small talk, the standard how you been, what have you been up to type stuff. Keep in mind, I haven't seen bandit in probably a year. I don't really say much to him and he eventually leaves around 930 saying he had to go get money and he'd see me at Cake's.

So flash forward a thirty minutes and we're all at Cake's and Bandit comes in, swears a couple times and makes some asshole comments. Then he busts out some insult to me about still living at home, to which I replied, "everyone here lives at home, we didn't all throw our lives away." He responds with "why cause I have a house?" I said, "no because you got married." I forget what he said next but I clearly could have began ripping him to shreds but I just let it die.

Now he hasn't seen anyone who was at cakes house in close to 2 years I'd wager. He also wasn't really in our circle of friends at any point to begin with. How fucked up in the head do you have to be to come to some ones house, start insulting everyone and making asshole comments? What kind of nerve must you have to ask if there's any food to snack on? Is that not the perfect definition of a douche-bag?

Also, side note, if you have a landlord, you don't have a house. It's still renting, ass-cock, no matter how you try to church it up. Don't pretend like you're my/our friends when the reality is that you never really were to begin with and then you went and married some haggard biotch, didn't invite anyone to the wedding and then didn't talk to or hang out with anyone for several years, only to invite yourself at this stage of the game and act like a complete fuck. Fuck off.