The Sandlot

Nothing much new to report here in cam land. School continues to bog me down with constant work and work continues to be a thorn in my side.

I want to go on record and correct a mis-conception the public is having. There is no more MTV channel. Its clearly BET 2. Everytime i flip through that channel its hip-hop this and that. I understand we live in the age of diversity and equality and all that jazz. But come on. 99% of all rap vids are exactly the same. I swear its secretly the same 5 guys who comprise the 1000 rap groups or however many exist. They just wear cleverly created masks like in Mission Impossible. MTV has never really aired much good music. The closest they came was blink videos and the occasional sum 41 joint. But they at least used to have some decent shows. Jackass, viva la bam, undressed, that one dating show where you could give people time-outs, and a couple other i cant think of at the moment. Now what do we have... Date my mom? Parental control? in addition to the 20 hours of black-u-weather forecasts. For fucks sake.

If i had the means id create my own TV channel, like peter does in an episode of family guy. It'd be glorious.

• There'd be the fantasy football talkshow, hosted by me and Ruebz, who would be on live satellite feed from arizona and wed take calls and such.
• I'd spin sweet ass music vids by sweet ass canadian bands on occasion.
• A jake platt variety hour where he could do whatever the fuck he wanted cuz hes jake platt. (lets not kid ourselves it would end up being him jerking off for an hour but thats still better than most things you see on tv today anyways)
• BF's gun show would be another popular hit with the gun toting conservatives. I think bandit would also appear regularly on this program.
• Hitch Version 2.0 starring santos would be our flagship program, where hed give dating advice and examples every week. Itd be a cross between loveline and the sunday night sex show with the old broad. Rugger would also be a huge part of this show despite the fact him n santos hate eachother.
• Id have to give pete his own movie review show, cuz that mught actually prove to be commical, prolly let moose co-host because they make a good on screen duo.
• What about shawn you ask? hes clearly the behind the scenes fluffer.

Thursday night Me, Roogs, Erik and Berno went up to St. Catharines to see The Trews concert. Fun night was had by all. The opening band was pretty good. Some local act, young kids. I was impressed. The next band however, fucking awful.  After they got done playin the crowd was being pretty awful with the constant trying to rush and crowd the front. Some kid next to me was being a total douche and he was like 5 seconds away from getting his ass kicked by the bouncers, which would have been amazing cause the guy was such a tool. Erik n babies spent the night getting hammered and trying to pick up some pig-dogs.

The trews set and performance was nothing short of amazing. Full of energy and passion. It was by default better than the last time i saw them only because i didnt get peed on this time around. They played every song i wanted to hear save for one and had some sweet solo's and covers mixed in.

Then the fun begins. We go back across the border with no troubles. Im headed down the big hill on 104 near the robert moses. I'm driving Rugger's car and i happened to get going a little fast down the hill, maybe like 50ish but its only 40. Just my luck theres a cop coming the opposite way. He wheels around and follows me for a bit then hits the lights and pulls me over. Im like great, last thing i need is a speeding ticket. He comes up and asks for my liscence and registration. I was like heres my liscence, the only problem is that this is his car (i point to rugger in the back seat whos basically half passed out) and i have no idea where the registration is. He asks for ruggers liscence too. Stands there n looks at em for a minute. Then he asks me where we were coming from and if i've had anything to drink. I tell him St. Catharines and absolutely not sir. He goes back to his car and im praying that he lets me go. He comes back asks me about drinking again. Then he asks me to step out of the car and go back by the trunk. I'm thinking great sobriety test #2?

He then asks me why we were in St. Catharines and just double checks i hadnt been drinking cause he could smell it in the car. I was like no those two in the back are pretty drunk, i dont drink at concerts and im just trying to get them home. And then he lets me go. So now im 2 for 4. Four times pulled over, two tickets. So if you get pulled over and you wanan get out of a ticket, just be driving some one elses car and have a couple drunk kids passed out in the back.

First, it was brought to my attention that some of you didnt know about the whole lil bow wow rape thing. Allegedly his limo driver F'd him in the A like a year or 2 ago, prompting him to drop the lil and just go by bow wow. He also went on hiatus right afterwards. So there that is. Moving on...

So Monday night me n tos traveled to Toronto to catch an Oasis concert. I'll keep it brief but it was amazing. They put on pretty much a flawless performance. While the set-list could have been better, I was happy overall with the song selection. Our "seats" also could have been better but I'm not going to get into that. Lets just say I should have gotten tickets sooner than I did. Noel is basically the best dude ever now after seeing that show. As I remarked to tos on the way home, I've never seen a band do so little on stage yet be so awesome. Especially being that the concert was at the Air Canada Center. They walked out to "Fuckin in the Bushes" then launched into "Turn up the Sun" and "layla." Notable songs/favs played include Acquiesce, the masterplan, champagne supernova, importance of being idle and morning glory.

Moving on, there's only 5 weeks remaining in my collegiate career. In that time I have 2 group projects(1 paper/1 presentation), 1 speech, and like 4 papers to do. Though that sounds like a lot, oddly enough its less work than I have been doing for class all along. After that, I'm tenatively taking a trip out west and I sorta got a job lined up. More on those at a later date.

The last thing I need to mention goes to all the ladies out there. Now, my buddy list is by no means large and extensive. In total, I have 72 people. Less than a third of that are females. So girls, for fucks sake, please turn down the EMO. I don't even bother scanning profiles or away messages anymore cuz its always the same thing over and over. I'm lonely, I'm sad, help me do this, help me do that, my life sucks. Some of you are worse at that stuff than others but you're all guilty. I'm not trying to be insensitive or anything but its getting old. Deal or move on.

Trews show tomorrow night in St. Catharines. Gonna be sweet.

So lastnight a bunch of us went to the movies to see V for Vendetta. The movie was really good actually. Thats not the point though. One of the previews genuinely upset me. Id like to share it with you now:


Presenting: Fast and the Furious: The Tokyo Drift
Im not kidding. They made a 3rd fast n furious movie. Unlike the first 2, this one has no paul walker, vin diesel or the even more laughable tyrese. This royal piece of shit stars non other than...
Lil Bow Wow.

I'll pause for you to digest that. Bow Wow, the mini-rapper whos more famous for allegedly being raped by his limo driver.
I swear to god, hollywood has fucking lost it. 99% of the shit that comes out lately is either a sequel or a re-make. Of the remaning 1% original movies, at least half of those suck because they pander to morons. The shitty movie we made a few summers ago beats most of the crap coming out now. So please hollywood, from a big movie fan to you, stop it.

A couple weeks ago I got a letter in the mail from UB. It goes on to say that they want me to donate $20.06 because I'm graduating in 2006. They say if i do theyll plant a tree and put my name on a plaque or something. They also went on to say if everyone in my graduating class makes that donation, theyll have money to do stuff or something. So i did what anyone in my situation would have done. I laughed, tore up the letter and shit canned it. Figured that would be the end of it. Oh no. There must have been some microchip in the letter that alerted the school i tore up said letter.

About 3 days later I got a phone call. Some dame on the other end. Thought hey this might be my lucky day, not often i get lady callers on my home phone no less. Oh no.

"Hi derek, this is so n so from UB. Im calling blah blah blah, donate $35 we'd really appreciate it."
"Yea thats ok i really cant afford that right now"
"Oh well how about something smaller like $20, even something that sized would be awsome."
"No really, im ok thanks.
"Well blah blah blah, we could mark you down for a donation and you can pay it later when you have the money how about that?"
"I'm really not interested sorry"
(in a huff) "Ok thanks bye"

First of all, i was polite the entire time, so no need for the sass lady. Second of all, fuck this shit. Haven't i payed the fucking school enough money in my two years there? They've got me for 10k at least, which includes fees for tons of shit like clubs and gay shit that sucks anyways . If that isnt enough, they send me a letter then call and bother me at home. 10k in debt, whats another 100 in donations right. wrong. UB can go take a frosty fuck right off the end of my dick.

Kinda makes me sad though. Had i know i'd be hasseled for money like this, i would have taken many more craps on campus and not flushed in my two years. As it stands ive only gone number 2 on campus like two or three times, and i flushed on all accounts.

Lush IM'd me from the far east today (lush= scott russel)

scottyruss123: whats up guy
CAM62783: whats up lush
scottyruss123: gather this, I am going to thailand and cambodia this sunday
CAM62783: i saw that
scottyruss123: im going to ride an elephant
scottyruss123: i'm so psyched yo!
CAM62783: im moderatly jealous
scottyruss123: i'm really trying not to think about buying prostitutes
scottyruss123: i've heard bangkok is about 45% protitute population
CAM62783: why say no when it feels so good to say yes
scottyruss123: man i know...it would make such a great story
scottyruss123: yea man i took home 4 girls for $13 dollars us.

Oh scotty. Best of luck to ya.

In other news:

The Grizzlies and Krispy Kreme Doughnuts have teamed up to create “Baseball’s Best Burger.” The burger, which was debuted at the Grizzlies' December 10th sale, consists of a thick and juicy burger topped with sharp cheddar cheese and two slices of bacon. The burger is then placed in between each side of a Krispy Kreme Original Glazed doughnut.








Where can I get me one of those?

9 dollars, all you can eat.

Pre-weigh in: 178lbs
post-weigh in: 184.5lbs

Plates consumed: 7ish

crab legs
lobster rolls
pork egg rolls
muscles
steamed clams
sweet n sour chicken
salmon
stuffed shrimp
fried shrimp
fried scallop
sushi
wonton soup
chinese donuts


i just found out they have the same deal for lunch but its only 5 bucks. i think im in love

The other night i was re-reading through some of the old Matt Good manifestos. I forgot just how good they were. Sure they're entirely random meaningless bullshit for the most part, but they really are excellent.

The entire collection can be found here

If you have some time/are bored i highly reccommend wading through them. They're entertaining and often thought provoking. Heres an excerpt from one of my favs:

December 1998
The Future Is XXX.

Todd & Matt Go To Las Vegas(with a porn star that will remain nameless for reasons of liable) (The Director's Cut)

So there we were. Above Las Vegas. Sitting around a room that, in any other city, would be grounds for admittance into a mental institution. And the kicker was that sometime before 3am a blond porn star was going to come walking through that door (possibly with friends) and slap me around like the bad little boy that I am. Or at least I hoped that was what would happen. To be quite honest with you I had no idea. I was stuck in a painting about some guy peeping on some girls that's being watched by this figure in the sky that's supposed to be god but looks a lot like Colonel Sanders. I was perfectly wretched and deviant but completely at peace with it. Maybe that's the secret of Las Vegas. Maybe that's why we came.

So 4am rolls around and she finally unlocks the door. I'm sitting on the sofa in one of those robes that expensive hotels have in the bathrooms (over my clothes, mind you), and Todd is out on the balcony yelling quotes provided by the Gideons at the little fat people down on the street. She looks tired, but tries to act like she's good for another couple of hours. She undresses right in front of us and goes into the bathroom to get the other robe. Things are beginning to get weird. For the first time I begin to realize that my counterpart may be somewhat of a nuisance in this particular situation. I sat there on the sofa, my eyes following her across the room while my brain began to sort out the details of burying Todd's corpse somewhere in the desert. The demon of lust has complete control over my body, turning me into a fiend of the highest caliber. She sits on the bed and begins to roll around and stretch like a cat sleepily tossing in front of a warm fire. By this time I've decided to bludgeon Todd using one of the heavier looking lamps and take the damsel for myself. It's times like these that require tact and unassuming movements. For all I knew Todd could have been planning to bludgeon me to death with the vodka bottle. Luckily, no violent action would be required. For right at that moment there was a knock at the door. Enter Debbie, Launa, and the infamous Mr. Tickles.

So i bought this sweet flat screen computer monitor from BF last week. Its 17", same as my old monitor but the screen is so much bigger and sweeter. I had the thing set up for not even 10 minutes and i fucked it up. I was moving one of my speakers up to my shelf when a plaque fell off said shelf and landed right ontop of the monitor. So now theres a little nick in the top right corner on the casing that mocks me everytime i sit here. Kinda sums up my life right now.

My love for Ryan Reynolds intensified even more after i bought and watched the Just Friends DVD. Hes like a modern day Vince Vaughn.

I went to the credit union to deposit some funds and i ran into Bandit, who was decked out in his full security uniform. I told him it made him look sexy.

Bestbuy got the new Creative Zen Vision:M mp3 players in and on display. I fiddled around with it for a bit. Fucking glorious. If i had an extra 300 bucks I woulda got one then and there.

Over the weekend my love for Led Zepplin was rekindled. The same can be said for connect four.

6 a.m. comes mighty early.

I was playing live yesterday and i had this legitamtly gay kid on my team. I know this from the way he was talking and the things he was saying. Anyways it was me him box and tos on the team. We got beat rather handily. After its over the he says to me that I suck dick. I was floored and visibily upset. My only response was that sucking dick was his job and then i left the post game lobby. I mean what can you do when some one tells you  that you suck dick?
This might be the best, most creative and informative website I have ever laid eyes on
The Ultimate Male Masturbation Resource

BETWEEN THE THIGHS

Apply a small amount of your favorite lubricant to your erect penis and to the insides of your upper thighs. Don't use too much; you can always apply more lube later if you need it. Get into a sitting position with your knees bent toward your chest, and the soles of your feet flat on whatever surface you're sitting on. Your back should be resting firmly against something. (For example, you can sit on a sofa with your back against an arm, or sit on the floor with your back against a wall.) You may want to put a towel under you to avoid having to clean up a mess afterward. Firmly clamp your erect penis between your lubricated thighs and start a slow rocking or thrusting motion with your hips. If you've got the right amount of lubricant and you develop the right thrusting motion, your erect penis will slide in and out between your thighs and will feel like it does when it's inside a woman's vagina. If you squeeze your thighs together very tightly, you can tighten the grip on your penis and create more friction, the way a woman's vagina does when she tightens her pelvic muscles


Theres so much more awsomeness to be had on that site. Even a section for the ladies.

I've worked at the restaurant since July 1, 1999. In those 6 years I've worked with countless people, more than i care to remember. As with any job, sometimes co-workers dont get along and they have arguements, fights or blowouts. I've seen cooks just verbally assult waitresses. I've seen waitresses get pissy and yell at the bar staff. Whatever the combo you can think of I've witnessed it. However, I have never personally had such an incident.

Part of the reason is that i'm the bosses kid so i have to be nice to everyone etc etc. The other reason is that i'm very laid back and you really have to either do something astounding or be a complete moron non-stop to evoke any sort of anger, annoyance or frustration out of me.

But thats all about to change. For a couple years now, 3 maybe 4, we've had a waitress named Sally. She's nice and all, not what you would call a bitch. She just kinda sucks at her job but i guess she tries. I don't know what it is but she has this ability to get under my skin and just annoy me to no end with relative ease. I think its mainly her voice. 90% of the time at work she sounds like shes talking to an infant, you know how people talk to little kids, well she does that to pretty much all her tables. The other 10% of the time is when shes in the kitchen asking me for something that she should be getting herself. Or shes asking me some stupid question she should already know the answer too. If you know me at all you know how much i detest people asking me stuff. Especially when its the same stupid shit over and over.

Take tonight for example. It was Ash Wednesday. Meaning if your catholic or christian or whatever you're not suposed to eat meat. What it also means is that a lot of people go out for fish and shit. It was just me and the new cook mike working tonight. We got a decent dinner rush around 7 or so. Being that it was just 2 of us and mikes only in his 2nd week, things werent happening lighting fast. So apparently mike forgets an order of toast for one of sally's tables. No biggie, it takes like 1 min and a half tops to toast off an order. Sally comes back and says shes missing an order of toast, directing it to Mike. Mike was over in the store room and i happened to be behind the line so i try up an order and toss it under the broiler. Sally is sitting there watching me do all this (its a move we like to call the hover and it has many variations). She then proceeds to reiterate her need for toast to mike. 5 seconds later shes asking me if thats jer toast up in the broiler. Then she said something else and by this point I was a little irked by her so i flatly said your toast is toasting, i'll put it up when its done. She didnt look thrilled with my tone so she walked out of the kitchen. I put the order up about 15 seconds later. It took her about another minute to come get it. Now you see what i'm dealing with.

Earlier in the shift she asked me if we had cheesecake. We havent offered plain cheesecake in about 3 years ever since chef attitude hooked us up with the old lady from lewiston who does most of our desserts. She knows this, yet still asks me. I told her no, we havent had that in a long time. She babbled something about cherries and strawberries and i said yea we used to get premade ones from the lewiston shop but havent in some time and that its not like things change that fast around the restaurant that for years we dont have an item but then suddenly we would.

To top it all off, for her own dinner she made mike cook her some bullshit whole grain pasta or something that was laying around in the store room. Like health pasta or something. (shes got a weight problem). Anyways, she then went on to say how she would offer this alternative pasta to customers of her own accord if she knew we had it. Which is fucking hilarious because she thinks she can do this extra thing when she cant even remeber to offer the shit we tell her to or do various other aspects of her job properly.

At the current pace, I think im just gonna end up snapping on her by the end of the month. Which should be interesting to say the least. I've got a lot of bottled up emotions about this and i swear to god if she keeps it up Im gonna unload it all on her on a busy weekend night and it wont be pretty.