The Sandlot

So this past Sunday was the pre-season opener for yet another fun and exciting session of the Skateland Roller Hockey League, henceforth to be abbreviated as SRHL. This marks my 4th session if memory serves. I've played on the same team more or less the whole time, though the line up is different from that first session, the core is essentially the same.

First things first, the whole Steve issue. There was a guy on our team, Steve (he didn't play my first session but came on the team for the second). He pretty much was terrible; couldn't skate, turn, stop, shoot or do any of the necessary activities associated with the sport. To make matters worse, he always complained about getting hurt, not getting long enough shifts and a host of other things. However, he is buddies with Andy, our de facto captain and team leader so I just dealt with it. Most people eventually get better at something the more they do it. Not Steve. If possible he got worse and more unbearable. By the end of the second session some people were lobbying for his release. Nothing came of it and he was back for my third session.

As the third session progressed, it became apparent that Steve had to go. We had gelled as a team and were at least in positions to win game against every team. Then Steve would go out on the floor and suddenly the games became blowouts. The calls for his termination became more vocal as the session came to an end. After our trash bowl victory I asked Taylor if he was going to kick Steve off the team. He told me in fact Steve was going to be replaced. Now lets get one thing straight; kicking Steve off the team was not just my idea, nor was I the only one who wanted it. Pretty much everyone did. Fast forward to last Sunday.

There had been a 2 week break between sessions. When I showed up Sunday I inquired as to Steve's where abouts. I was told he had been booted from the team. Good news. Then I was told that I had more or less been blamed solely for that action. I guess he asked who had been most vocal about kicking him off and some girl not even on the team blurted my name out. Oh well. I don't really mind being made out to be the asshole, but come on, everyone wanted him gone. Be a man Hogan.

Now on to Sunday's game. We played Lockport Matress, the perennial SRHL champs. They're good, no bullshit. Their team has been playing together for probably 5 years or something crazy like that and practically every guy on their team is excellent skill wise. However, they're all douche bags. The SRHL is supposed to be a non-checking fun league. Both of this little details have slowly been disappearing since I started. Games are routinely getting more physical and less fun. Then there's the officiating, or lack there of. Proper calls seldom get made and bogus ones get made often. For example, I was blatantly tripped along the boards right near the ref and no call was made. Swan, our best player, was getting knocked down and checked into walls all night and no calls were made there. All of this inaction on the part of the refs leads to more aggressive play on both teams. Sunday it nearly boiled over.

Swan got hit by 2 guys on the other team on the low wall carrying the ball into the offensive zone and nearly went over the wall. No call was made. Then everyone got in each others faces and started trash talking. This is late in the game mind you and we're losing like 8-3 or something. Now everyone is pissed off and looking for blood. The refs again aren't really doing anything but watching and waiting for a fight to break out so they can finally kick some one out or do whatever. Eventually things settle down a little though both sides continue with the shit talking.

This isn't the first time events like this have transpired. Tos nearly fought some kid last session and just that night there had been a fight in one of the early games. And here's the problem. Douchery. Yes that word is made up but its my made up word. There's 6 teams in the SRHL, including my team. With the exception of Mark and Timmy from work and some of the yellow team, every team is just full of douche bags. Lockport wanna be thugs and the failed hockey stars of yesterday. They all think they're hard asses and play dirty/act like its game 7 of the cup finals (pub volleyball syndrome). Play hard but play clean, that's all there is to it.

I'm at the point now where if the league continues on this path this will be my last session. I'm not going to pay 90 bucks to play in a league filled with a bunch of dirty, cheap, assholes who get away with major atrocities but then my team gets penalized when two guys skates get tangled up and they both fall down. Fuck that shit. I'll start laying nerds out before I allow any more reindeer games like that to happen.