The Sandlot

So today I'm in my public speaking class. We had to prepare these 2 minute informal speeches about ourselves. I did not get picked to go today. That's not the point however. One particular speaker today nearly made me drop to the ground laughing; not because he said anything really funny, but because I'm immature in the sense words like rectum, poop and anus make me giggle.

So this kid stands up at the podium and launches into his speil. He's like the 6th person speaking so I'm expecting more of the same "hi my name is so and so I'm from such and such a place, I like to do this in my spare time" type speech. And it starts out like that. Then he goes, "you can tell a lot about a person by who their hero is. My hero is my dad because he fought and beat cancer."

Kind of a serious topic and much deeper than anything anyone else in the class had discussed previously. Then he says, "My dad had rectum cancer, giving a whole new meaning to the joke, rectum, damn near killed him." At this I start giggling to myself because lets face it, ass cancer just has that certain humorous element to it that other cancer's like lung or skin cancer lack, not to mention the rectum joke.

So I say to myself, come on his dad had cancer stop laughing, he's standing right there it's inappropriate. So I do. But the kid doesn't let up. He goes on to describe the intricate details about rectum cancer and his first hand experience in dealing with a family member having it. All these quotes are as accurate as I can recall them and in most cases are word for word.

"So they operated on my dads rectum and had to remove part of it. They disconnect it from the anus. So then, with no rectum he couldn't poop. So they put a bag in there he could poop in it, and he couldn't control his rectum either. It was the weirdest thing. I'd be sitting there carrying on a conversation with him when all of a sudden you'd just here 'plop'."

Now by the time I heard rectum for the 4th time, the inclusion of anus, the bag and poop, I was pretty much a lost cause. I couldn't look at the kid because I was failing miserably at keeping a straight face. I had my head turned to my right, tears in my eyes as he kept going on and on. I don't think I heard the last 30 seconds of his speech after the "plop" line. Jeff, who was to my left, was also having the same reaction as me. I suspect others were to but I dared not look anyone or I would have just started laughing really loud. I don't think our professor knew what to do either. I mean I was sitting in the second row and the classroom is the size of a high school classroom but half as full. So its not like he couldn't see me just bursting at the seams.

So dude, I'm sorry I laughed at your tale of your father's bout with ass cancer, but come on.