The Sandlot

In my not too distant past, I was what one would consider, highly outspoken. Proof of that lies in this very blog if you take a stroll through the archives and read some of my past works. Over the last few years I've mellowed out considerably. Possible reasons for this change include, but are not limited to, the fact that I'm 27, I own a house, I have a career and am in a steady relationship.

In the past, if something or some one bothered me, I wouldn't hesitate to make my feelings or opinions known. That sort of behavior got me into a fair amount of trouble and caused a lot of drama. As I've grown older, my desire to have little to no drama in my life is the primary motivating factor I base my social behavior on. In short, I don't want to rock the boat so I just keep my mouth shut. This tactic has its drawbacks as well as its benefits, like anything else.

One of the biggest drawbacks is misinformation. Since I'm not spouting off or defending myself, speculation about my feelings on a topic or situation run rampant. People will make ridiculous assumptions based on silence if for no other reason than to justify their own feelings and actions. The longer that silence persists, the murkier the situation becomes and the chances of a resolution being reached decrease.

When I was attending UB for Communications, I kinda knew it was a bullshit major. Everyone did. UB taught theoretical com, which is to say it wasn't a program that taught you how to be a TV broadcaster or news reporter. UB's program dealt with the "science" aspect of communication. Theories that attempted to define social interactions, both intra- and interpersonal, as well as small group and mass comm. Most of it was common sense stuff that they gave fancy names too to make seem more important. As I've aged and matured, I often think back to some of the things I learned and I realize that most of it is pretty spot on.

The fundamental theories I learned about in the classroom I see at play everyday. Generally speaking, people don't change their behavior. They are selfish at heart, have a greater perceived perception of themselves than actually exists. Simply put, people are who they are and some people never grow up. I've also come to realize a few truths that I didn't learn about in the classroom. People seldom own up to their own mistakes. Its easier and more convenient to blame somebody else than take responsibility for your own actions. Most people also cannot grasp the concept of cause and effect. Everything you do or say causes a reaction. For example, if you lie to some one. The effect of that lie will be distrust at the least, and depending on the extent and frequency of the lies, maybe even worse consequences. People also tend not to change their minds, even when presented with overwhelming evidence and fact. The world used to be flat, or so people thought. An exaggerated example I know, but the point remains the same. Once people have an idea they think is right, its tough to change their minds.

Back to the present. As I mentioned earlier in my ramblings, I've been keeping a low profile. I've kept my mouth shut on a number of matters that have had sizable social ramifications. Its slowly driving me crazy. To introvert is contrary to my very nature so I'm gonna let a little out here. The reasons for my self imposed silence on a variety of topics are directly related to the revelations about communication theories that I outlined above. I realized that even if I were to open up and let it all out, fundamentally, nothing would change. The content of my message is irrelevant. I could be talking about something deep like the meaning of life or the simple biological fact as to why grass is green. Behaviors will not alter, resolutions will not be achieved other than the record being set straight to an extent. In the end, its just not worth my time and effort to say anything at all because the reward for doing so is worth less than the effort it would take. My time is better spent on other things and people.

All this stuff seems like common sense to me, yet I'm continually shocked at how often I see people fail to grasp these concepts. Then they get mad because they don't understand why some one is mad at them or stops speaking to them. If you want to figure out why some negative change has occurred in your life, 90% of the time, the answer can be found in a mirror.